My Last Week

Today is the beginning of my last week at home with Hayden. Starting next Monday I'll be back at work.

The first six weeks of my maternity leave felt like one long day. Hayden was sleeping in two hour stretches which meant I was up around the clock feeding her and then rocking her back to sleep. On top of the frequent feedings, I was on the go a lot and we had lots of visitors which made the time fly by even faster.

Last week I realized that if I didn't make any plans, my time with her felt more stretched out. So last week I just stayed home with her - trying to soak up every moment. I'm planning to generally do the same with her this week.

I cry a little every day thinking about leaving her to go back to work. I'm trying to be present in every little moment with her and to cherish every bit of this last week with her. I pick her up more often, hold her a little closer, kiss her a little more frequently, hold her a little longer....I'm just realizing that never again in our lives will I have this much time with her. Never again will she need me as much as she has needed me for the first 8 weeks of her life.

Thankfully Steve will be home with her for two weeks after I go back so I can delay the sadness of putting her in daycare for a little bit longer. One sad step at a time, I guess.

Overall, my maternity leave has been a really special time. I feel such a strong bond to Hayden and am so head over heels in love with her.

And, after all this time, I feel like I finally have her figured out a little bit, too.